Friday, February 11, 2011
I spent about a half an hour talking with an old and near friend of mine today. It seemed like three minutes, but it's always been that way with this person. It was awesome to get caught up. We chatted about kids, relationships, love and talked about God. I have always loved, admired and respected this person. Found out that the parents are well, dad is 80 and doesn't even take a pill to help him sleep. I never doubted for a second that a man of such clean living and of such rock solid character would be any different. After I hung up a strange feeling came over me... surrounded and shadowed by the words "what could have been", I was immediately transformed back almost thirty years and I could almost hear Dan Fogelberg singing about a "Same Old Lang Syne".
I never experienced "love at first sight" but when our eyes met across a crowded dance floor, I knew my life would never be the same. I sat in my office after the phone call and thought about what is and what could never be (to quote Led Zeppelin) and how if there was a time machine available, I know exactly what day I would dial it to. There are people in our lives that no matter what happens and how the life ends up, you always want to know how they're doing and if that person ever thinks about you. I know for many years, whenever the thought of this person crossed my mind, I would have to catch my breath to keep from hyperventilating. I can almost see after all these years her parents' reaction when this long haired "DJ" came calling on their daughter. Many years later while having lunch with them, I thanked them for their acceptance. "We saw the way you looked at her."
Very insightful and oh, so true.
Your life turns out the way it's supposed to I guess. I think the template of your life is pre-determined by God and fate. I know for whatever reason (my fault), we didn't end up together and it's a crying shame. Throughout the years, I've asked God to cradle this person and take care of them. My prayers seem to have been answered. And I'm so pleased that their life has turned out so well. Married, with four beautiful children and a husband that worships the ground she walks on (he'd better).
The afternoon then exploded into the choas that only an office full of people moving too fast working too hard could bring. Most of the team I lead could be my kids. I remember the day I had to question one of my peeps when they said.."I don't get the Beatles, why were they so popular?".
But, I digress.
My life is good now, and fill of deadlines and commitments, I am happy to have finally found some semblance of order. I am working my way toward contentment and I have been getting closer to finding that elusive state of mind. I'm not there yet, but it's getting closer. What the future brings, no one knows.
After being a fuck up most of my life, I am so very proud of my kids and the adults they've become. Blessed to be a grandfather to three beautiful girls, father to an Air Force captain who's so smart that he has two branches of government bidding on his services. Yes, he is rocket scientist who has great taste in music (wow, I wonder how THAT happened?). He took Van Morrison and The Moody Blues to school with him when he went to Notre Dame at a time that seems to be a thousand years ago, now. My youngest is the spitting image of her grandmother and someone who will be a valuable person to those less fortunate. She has a sweet soul and a warm heart.
My only hope is that when my kids get to be my age, the books of their life will be as full as mine. I have seen places and been with people that this farm boy would have never dreamed in a hundred thousand years. All put in my path in some pre ordained fashion. I have been with some of the most beautiful women and spent time with some of my heroes growing up.
I will refer to my man Al Stewart (whom I've met twice, he is a very lovely man) who once wrote..."a girl comes towards you that you used to know, you reach out your hand, but you're all alone..."
All alone but hardly ever lonely. A song came on my radio station as I was heading home tonight and it pretty much summed up where I am at. In fact, after the song was over, I was crying so hard I could hardly steer.
I've always been a fan of John Denver. In my record collection in high school, you'd find Led Zep, Black Sabbath, The Doors etc. You'd also find Neil Diamond, Bread and Mr. Denver. My doppleganger in high school(as you can see there IS a bit of resemblance). He is another one of those singers and composers that knew my life better than I did and one song "Rocky Mountain High" was almost solely responsible for a move to Denver that was doomed from the start. Music.
I just can't imagine myself with out it.
And now for the song that brought me to tears tonight because of how close it hits home. If there was a target on my heart, this song would have hit a bullseye.
Posted by RR at Friday, February 11, 2011
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